Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem – 10 Unique Tips That Can Be Implemented Immediately. Would you like to have more self-confidence and self-awareness? Then you’ll find ten practical and immediately applicable tips here.
“I would like to be stronger. Have more Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem. To dare. Dare to be more ME. Dare to do my thing more. To be able to approach people more easily. And while we’re at it: I would also like to be more at peace with myself. Just say, ‘Hey, I’m OK the way I am, no matter what anyone else thinks.”
Could these be your thoughts? If so, you’ve come to the right place. Because this is what it’s all about: Self-confidence, self-esteem, self-assurance, and self-acceptance. Or, more specifically, it’s about how to increase these positive qualities in yourself.
If that’s what you want, then I’d like to share 10 Unique Tips that can be implemented immediately with you here. 10 unique ideas that will lead you closer to a good life. To this good life in which you feel stronger inside because you dare yourself more and more and because you accept yourself more and more often. Let’s start with the 10 ideas for more self-confidence, self-esteem, self-acceptance, and self-assurance. Please take the ideas and let them inspire you. And I could imagine that if you implement even one of the ideas in your life, your life will become more beautiful and richer.
1. I can allow myself to make mistakes (self-acceptance).
“I am right as a person as I am, even if I have weaknesses, faults, and my sometimes strange idiosyncrasies.”
Accepting yourself means accepting yourself as you are. In other words, to say: Yes, my nose is crooked, but I’m still OK as a person. The big question is: How can we really live this attitude of self-acceptance? In other words, to really accept oneself in everyday life. Even with what you don’t like about yourself. Here is a simple but very effective tip, but it needs a little practice.
That is, the approach we are suggesting here will only work if you do it often. The tip is: Think of one thing that you don’t like about yourself and that you regularly stumble over. So you often say to yourself, “This is really terrible that I’m like this.” Or maybe even, “I hate myself for that.” For example:
- Appearances, such as having too big a nose, too many kilos, or being too short.
- Characteristics, such as shyness, irritability, slow comprehension
- Other things, such as too little education, unemployment, childlessness, loneliness.
You can take anything you regularly dislike about yourself. And here’s the trick: say to yourself here please:
“Even though I am … I am o. k. and right as a person and I still deserve the good things in life.”
By the good things here I mean: Love, respect, prosperity, recognition, etc. This sentence reflects a fundamental fact of life that you absolutely must internalize. We humans all have our weaknesses and problems. Everyone. Even the very beautiful and successful. And we are still OK and right as human beings. And we all deserve the good things in life. Regardless of whether we are perfect or not. If only the perfect people deserved the good things, then no one would deserve the good things. Because simply no one is perfect. You aren’t. I’m not. Madonna and George Clooney aren’t either. Some examples of the self-acceptance phrase from above:
- “Even though I’m too fat, I’m o. k. and right as a person and I still deserve the good things in life.” “Even though I am such a mess, I am o. k. and right as a person and I still deserve the good things in life.”
- “Even though I’m so shy, I’m o. k. and right as a person and I still deserve the good things in life.”
- “Even though I’m such a scaredy-cat, I’m o. k. and right as a person and I still deserve the good things in life.”
So take one thing that you are struggling with and say a sentence like this to yourself. It’s best to do this several times a day. Especially when you find yourself judging yourself and rejecting one of your qualities in yourself. That was the most important point of the 10 ideas. If you stop reading here and put this into practice, you are already a big step further.
2. I can grow (self-confidence).
“I can do this or I can learn what I need to do this.”
Do you know what self-confidence is? It’s the belief in yourself. The belief that you can overcome the challenges that life throws your way. The belief that through thought, diligent work, and perseverance, you can achieve anything you set your mind to.
So you have faith in your own strength. In one’s own ability to achieve the goals one has set for oneself. That is self-confidence. For example, if you decide to change your career. Or if you dare to separate, trusting that you can overcome the painful path. Or if you dare to take on a position of responsibility. Or maybe you try to turn your hobby into your profession.
Trusting yourself means that you can grow as a person. That you can learn what you need along the way. That you are allowed to make mistakes, even that this is an important part of your own path. And that you are able to learn from your mistakes.
If you want to increase your confidence, it’s best to start developing as a person. Show yourself that you can learn.
Learn a new language or skill. Take up a new sport. Teach yourself programming. Take a further education course. Or take up something you were bad at in school. But the best thing to do is to start learning the things that relate to your wants, goals, and needs.
For example, if you want to start your own business, learn business thinking. If you want to meet a partner, train your communication skills and your openness towards other people. Show yourself that you can grow as a person. And your confidence in yourself will grow with you.
3. I know myself (self-confidence)
“I know who I am and where I stand.”
Self-confident people are more likely to behave more confidently than people with low confidence in themselves. They react more calmly and composedly in difficult situations. They can listen to criticism and deal with it in a relaxed way. In addition, people with a strong sense of self-confidence act more than they react. And they address things that are important to them.
Why are confident people able to do this? Because they are clear about some important things:
Self-confident people know who they are (self-knowledge). They know what is important to them. And above all, They have a healthy sense of their boundaries, i.e. what is acceptable behaviour for them and what is encroaching and unacceptable.
This knowledge brings one inner stability. And because they know this, they cannot easily be taken by surprise or thrown off balance. Because they are inwardly stabilised by their clarity.
These 3 points from above are also the path you can take if you want more sovereignty.
Find out who you are, what is really important to you, and where you are not willing to compromise.
Define your boundaries. Decide what you will and will not allow other people to do in the future.
Of course, these 3 points are not clarified for oneself so quickly. But it is worthwhile to deal with these questions long and deeply and to develop this clarity for yourself. And that brings you more security and more sovereignty.
4. I am real (authenticity)
“I am who I am and this is who I am.”
The more we learn to accept ourselves, the more true, genuine, authentic we become. So we show ourselves more and more as we are. Without being ashamed of being who we are. We no longer feel the need to hide. And we can then say more and more often: What you think of me is your problem and not mine.
Authenticity is a consequence of self-acceptance. But the whole thing also works the other way round. When I consciously dare to show myself as I am, my self-acceptance grows. Even if I am not yet completely at peace with myself. Even if I am a little ashamed of my mistakes, flaws, and weaknesses. In psychology, we call this the “pretend” principle.
When you act as if you dare to be real and true, your self-acceptance follows suit and you learn to accept yourself more and more. The trick here is to start very carefully. At first, only show yourself to selected people whom you trust. Admit your fears, weaknesses, mistakes, and the things you sometimes wish were different.
Talk about your shame and vulnerability. And you will see how quickly you feel a new connection to the other person that you may not have experienced before. Sharing your vulnerability creates a connection that can’t be deeper. But as I said, be careful. Start here with trustworthy people.
And the more you stand by who you are, the greater your self-acceptance will be. Another trick: Make a list of all the things you don’t like about yourself and are sometimes ashamed of. Just put all those demons on paper. That in itself can be very cleansing.
Then sort the list in such a way that the least bad things are at the top and the real bastards are at the bottom. And practice standing by the things at the top of the list more and more. Openly admit that you are here the way you are. Own it more and more.
In conversation, when you notice that someone is struggling with themselves, say more and more often: “Yes, that’s the same for me.” At least if you are struggling with the same thing and share this weakness. You will notice more and more how many people struggle with the same things. And togetherness and connectedness create a wonderful healing effect here. So show yourself more and more often and in careful steps how you are. Own up to your fears. Say when something makes you uncomfortable. Or in other words: become more and more genuine, truthful, and authentic. Very purposefully. That takes courage. But you will see that you can accept yourself better and better. And you will earn more respect from the people who really matter.
5. I allow myself my needs (self-care).
“I deserve the good things in life.”
We humans all have our needs. For example:
- The need for love, togetherness, sharing, and connection.
- The need for physical and emotional security.
- The need for well-being and prosperity.
- The need for what we do to work and bring a good result (also called success), or for freedom, choice, and self-determination.
We all differ in our needs, of course. Some have a great social need, while others are more concerned with their freedom. You know: we are all different. But not that much different.
In any case, it’s not difficult to find someone who has the same needs as I do. Having needs is not a problem. It becomes a problem when we don’t allow ourselves to have our needs. Or when we don’t believe we deserve the good things like love, well-being, or self-determination.
Many people have great difficulty standing up for themselves, their desires, and their interests. Often because for some reason they believe they are not good enough, not well-behaved enough, or not worthy enough for the good things. And here comes the good, but at the same time difficult news: There is only one person who can give you permission to take the good things in life. And that person is Yourself.
I can tell you: Hey, you are a wonderful person, even if you can’t really see it yourself yet. I now allow you here quite explicitly that you may live your needs for love, togetherness, respect, well-being or self-determination. Seek love. Demand respect and self-determination. I give you permission. But of course, my permission is completely meaningless. Even the permission of your parents or your family – even if it is a little more weighty – usually does not matter. There is only one person who can give you permission. You Yourself.
This is often not something you can do from one moment to the next. It doesn’t work to just flip the switch. That would be nice. But unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. Giving yourself permission to do the good things is usually a journey with many small steps, even some steps backward, but eventually, you will arrive if you keep at it. And it’s worth sticking with it. Because the goal of the journey is very, very valuable and life-serving for you.
The first step could be to first become aware of your needs. Ask yourself more often: What exactly do I need right now? Is it peace, security, entertainment? What exactly is it that I need? Then ask yourself: “May I fulfill this need right now? Try to answer “yes” more and more often. Allow yourself the good things you need. More and more and more.
6. Also look at my strengths (realistic self-assessment)
“I know what I can do and what I can’t do (yet).”
When we have difficulties with self-confidence and self-esteem, it’s often also a bit down to our focus. You know how it is, there are pessimists who always see the dangers and risks in the world. And there are optimists who always see the opportunities and possibilities.
Both groups look at the same world, they just have different glasses on. We also have glasses on when it comes to ourselves. Glasses that sometimes only see the negative qualities about us. The things about us that are not right. And the mistakes we have made. With other people, you see that.
Every person has their strengths and weaknesses, their beautiful and ugly sides. We can see this well from the outside. Only we ourselves are often the exception. We ourselves mainly have weaknesses, flaws, and shortcomings. Strengths are rather scarce. But the fact that we see ourselves this way is not because we really don’t have any good sides. It is because of the glasses we have on, which make our strengths very small and our weaknesses very big. Couldn’t we just take off our glasses and put on a different pair? Better glasses? Exactly. We can do that.
You need a different pair of glasses. Glasses that allow you to see yourself realistically and in your full range. The first step is to realise: “Hey, I have glasses on that prevent me from seeing my good sides.” These glasses may have been created by negative messages and signals from teachers, parents, relatives, or other people. Maybe also in other ways. But everyone has strengths, gifts, and talents.
Maybe you haven’t nurtured your talents enough yet, that’s why you can’t see them yet. But they are there. Your task now is to take off the negative glasses and start looking. Search for the things you are good at. A series of questions that you can ask yourself again and again.
- Why do I always say, “But that’s nothing. That doesn’t count. Anyone can do that”? (Most of the time, not everyone can do it, it’s just natural to us because we can).
- What have I achieved in my life so far? And what skills, qualities, strengths have helped me to achieve them?
- What is very close to my heart? And which of my (positive) qualities can be recognised behind them?
- What do others praise me for?
- What you can also do is to review the day in the evening and ask yourself: What did I actually do very well today? By asking yourself this question, you can also focus on your small and big successes and on your strengths.
Try it out. Just put on a different pair of glasses when it comes to yourself.
7. I live my values (self-realisation)
“I am true to myself.”
At point 3 you could read how important it is to know who you are. This also includes knowing what is important to you because it gives you a certain inner strength. It strengthens your self-confidence. But it’s not only important to know your values. It is also important to live them and defend them against others. Because if we don’t do that, we quickly lose self-respect.
If, on the other hand, I live my values as well as I can, then that increases my self-respect. So it is important to live what is important to you. But how can you tell that something is really important to you? For one thing, by the fact that you automatically strive for this important thing to be fulfilled in your life.
If I separate my rubbish every day, am a member of Greenpeace, and go to demonstrations against environmental pollution, then “environmental protection” is obviously important to me. Environmental protection is then one of my values. Or if I lovingly take care of my loved ones every day and try to make it as nice as possible for everyone, and it is important to me that we do something as a family, then “family” is one of my important values. There are so many values. Justice. Love. Tolerance. Togetherness. Success. Self-determination. Harmony. Serenity. And, and, and …
We all have our values. The things that are important to us. But there are also constant situations that challenge our values. Situations that tempt us to sacrifice our values and act against our values. And it is absolutely human to buckle down once in a while. It happens to all of us. And in this case, it is again important to forgive ourselves for buckling (see point 1). However, it is even better to uphold one’s values and live one’s life according to them as much as possible. No one can do this all the time. But as often as possible. That is the way. And how do you do that? Just ask yourself two questions:
- What is really important to me in life?
- And what does a person do in everyday life again and again for whom these things are important?
And then try to bring your actions more and more in line with this ideal. Because then you can look in the mirror with pride and say to yourself: I am true to myself. I live what is important to me.
8. I solve my problems (problem-solving competence).
“I take control of my life.”
People with strong self-confidence solve their problems. This does not mean that they are like Superman and sort out all problems with a little wave of their hand. But they have their problems on their mind and gradually try to find solutions for them. They don’t duck their heads and wait until it’s over.
They also don’t wait for a saviour to come and sort it out for them. They say to themselves: this is crap, this can’t go on, that’s why I’m going to do something about it. And then they do something to sort out the problem.
Here, too, the “pretend” principle applies. If you start to tackle and solve your small and big problems, it will increase your self-esteem. Because you are doing something for yourself. Because you care enough to stand up for yourself and solve your problems. And you can start here with the very small things:
- Finally getting the bicycle tire mended.
- Talking to my partner about sharing the housework or setting up a sensible reminder system for all birthdays so that I don’t keep forgetting them.
Of course, you can also take care of bigger problems:
- Find me a more central flat so I don’t have to travel so far to work anymore
- join a local group to meet new people.
- Decide whether I want to do further training to get a new professional qualification.
Take charge of your life and solve your problems one by one. First the very small ones and then venture into the bigger ones. This creates confidence in yourself and self-respect.
9. I am kind to myself (self-kindness)
“I treat myself like a good friend.”
There is one more thing that helps us to respect and accept ourselves more: Self-kindness. Self-friendliness means nothing other than treating ourselves in a friendly way. In other words, the way we ideally treat a good friend:
- We speak kindly and respectfully to a friend.
- We listen well to our friend without judging him.
- We build up our friend and encourage him when something stupid has happened.
- We tell him that we like him.
- We forgive him when he has acted stupidly because we know that we humans are not perfect and everyone has a bad day.
- We treat ourselves in exactly the same way. We speak kindly and respectfully to ourselves in our thoughts. At eye level. Without accusations, vulgarities, and reproaches.
- We encourage ourselves in difficult situations and build ourselves up.
- We often tell ourselves in our thoughts that we like ourselves and that we have done something well.
- We admit to ourselves that we make mistakes and sometimes behave stupidly. We forgive ourselves for this.
All this is self-kindness. And if you want to improve your relationship with yourself, practice self-kindness more often. Treat yourself like a good friend. A good start to change here is to regularly remind yourself of how you want to behave differently and be kinder to yourself in the future. Through post-it notes. Or set yourself a mobile phone alarm. Another option is to write a journal in which you briefly note each day how good you were at being kind to yourself today, preferably with specific events.
For example, “I spoke kindly to myself today and didn’t put myself down, even though I burnt my sauce while cooking.” Normally I would have insulted myself then. Today I didn’t. Very good.” However you do it, try to be kinder to yourself in the future. Because that feels so much better than constantly beating yourself up.
10. The most important thing in the end: I take small steps
“I take my time and keep at it.”
Yeah, I know. That was quite a lot of ideas in this post. And every single one of the ideas is demanding and cannot be put into practice overnight. That’s why one thing is important: don’t try to implement everything in this article right away. Strengthen your self-confidence step by step. Rather, pick one small thing to try out.
Once you have tried it out for a while, you can move on to the next point. Because as they say, every journey, no matter how big, begins with a single step. And every small step brings you closer to your goal. It is tempting to want to change everything at once. But unfortunately, lasting change doesn’t work that way. And self-confidence doesn’t grow from one moment to the next.
Most good intentions and efforts to change fail because of one thing: lack of patience. If you really want to change something, start with one small thing, keep at it, enjoy small successes, change an additional small thing, keep at it, enjoy small successes, keep changing and keep changing and keep changing, enjoy your progress and above all: keep at it until you are really satisfied with your self-confidence and self-acceptance.
The whole process can take a while. Things that have crept in over years or decades cannot be changed in a month. It’s human to want to get it over with quickly. But it doesn’t work that way. I can only advise you: Catch, take your time and enjoy the journey. The path to more self-confidence, self-awareness, and self-acceptance.
With these 10 steps, you’ll get surprisingly far. But the trick is, as I said, to actually take the steps.
Good Luck, and best wishes!